Sephiroth and the Evil Love Potion 9
by Soul Vagabond
Summary: How can a single love potion cause so much trouble? Well, for a certain silver-haired man, it's a nightmare. NEW: see chapter five for details on an interesting little competition.
1. Should we feel sorry for him?

This is just a test fic that me and my friend created the other night. There's nothing special about it. If you like it, though, send me a review saying so. I will continue if you do.

I am going to upload a more serious and in-depth story within the next couple of weeks. It will be a crossover of many different Final Fantasies, and will mostly take place on Earth. It's going to be interesting…

Disclaimer: When I grow up, I'm gonna be an evil, oppressive overlord!!! When that happens, I will enslave the developers of Final Fantasy!!! Muahahahahahaha!!! *Thinks for a moment* Wait. How do I become an evil oppressive overlord? *Whips out a 'Conquering the World for Dummies' book thicker than the thickest dictionary* Let's see… 

Sephiroth and the Evil Love Potion #9

__

Rikku and Lulu are standing in the Macalania Travel Agency. Rikku is staring outside as Lulu works on a mysterious potion.

Rikku: This could go wrong, you know?

Lulu: Don't worry. Just do exactly what I told you to do. *Puts cork in a vial with a large pink heart painted on the front* Here, Rikku. It's finished.

Rikku: You sure it will work?

Lulu: Just take it. *Hands Rikku the vial*

Rikku: *Takes vial* Okay, I guess. Thanks, Lulu. *Rikku leaves Macalania Travel Agency and heads off into the woods*

Lulu: (_To herself)_ I don't think this is a good idea. Maybe I should tell him… *Sigh* No, I'll just wait and see what happens…

__

Rikku is walking through the Macalania Forest with the vial in her hand. She is talking to herself as she walks.

Rikku: At last. He will finally be mine. *Glances at vial* I can't wait to see him confess his love for me. *Comes to a clearing with a small pond* Hmmm. I could use a drink. *Kneels at the edge of the pond* Wow. It's crystal clear. (_The vial slips from her hand as she leans over to take a drink and smashes_) *Gasp!* (_Picks up a shard of broken glass_) It's ruined… Lulu's not going to make another one. *Ponders for a moment* Her books! I can make my own! *Stands up and begins walking back to Travel Agency* All right, then. I'll try it. *Disappears into woods* He will be mine…

__

Little does Rikku know, the love potion drains into the pond. Lady Yuna approaches the pond very tired and thirsty.

Yuna: Thirsty… Huh? *Spots pond* (_Yells and flies towards pond_) WATER!!! *Kneels at pond* At last! *Takes long drink* That was great. Wonderful, in fact…

__

As Yuna stands at the lake, Sephiroth marches through the clearing looking mighty proud of himself.

Sephiroth: I wish I knew about this sooner. It was so easy. *Sigh* At least that Jyskal guy was right… *flings back his hair* Ha! I can restart my plans for world domination! *Raises head high* Now I only need to find the black materia again, and I'm good to go!

__

As Sephiroth marches through, Yuna looks up and spots him. She immediately began having visions of a bright and beautiful future with this truly one-winged angel. Sephiroth notices Yuna and stops in the middle of the clearing. Without a second thought, Yuna bounded over to her Sephy-chan and knocked him to the ground.

Sephiroth: Hey! Hey!!! HEY!!! What the heck do you think you're doing?!

Yuna: My, my! Aren't you handsome! *Tries to plant a kiss on his lips*

Sephiroth: *Screams like a little girl and tries to get up and run away* AHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I'M BEING MOLESTED BY A TOTAL NUTCASE!

Yuna: *Grabs the hem of his cloak* Where are you going? *Tries to restrain him but fails. Sephiroth stumbles out of the clearing* NOOOO! Come back, my love!

__

Sephiroth runs aimlessly through the forest and finally spots a thicket to his left. He leaps in and waits for Yuna to pass.

Yuna: Come back, my silver-haired mate. *Comes closer to the thicket* Don't worry, I'll find you. *Walks by thicket and out of sight*

Sephiroth: (_rises from the thicket_) Phew! That was close. *Hears chirping noises behind him* What the-? *Chicobos stare up at him with big hearts in their eyes* AHHHH! *Sephiroth runs out of the thicket, the chicobos hot on his trail, chirping 'momma' in chocobo language.*

Yuna: *Hears Sephiroth's curses behind her* I'M A-COMIN' HONEY! *Bounds after the lovely voice*

Sephiroth: (_comes back to the clearing and pond_) *Pant, Pant* Oh…*pant* you gotta be…*pant* kidding me…*wheeze* *Stares into eyes of a very BIG female behemoth, who had just finished a long drink of the infested pond water. The behemoth begins stomping towards him, crying her mournful mating call. Sephiroth screams like a girl. Again.* NOOO! HELP ME! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE RAPED BY A BEHEMOTH! *Trips over chicobos in his attempt to flee the scene and falls into the arms of the very passionate Yuna*

Yuna: *looks past Sephiroth's shoulder and spots the Behemoth* You never told me there was somebody else! *Thinks for a moment* But I love ya anyways! *Holds him tight and begins covering him with kisses*

Sephiroth: *arms and legs flailing* NO! Let me GO! I'm not your type! I'm an evil overlord! Get OFF! *Caravans arrive at the pond and fifty young women from the Honey Bee Inn get out to drink from the pond* NO! DON'T DRINK THE WATER! *The girls have already taken sips. They look up at Sephiroth's yells and immediately fall in love with him and run to smother him in hugs and kisses*

Caravan drivers: HEY! Where are you goin'? We've gotta be at Don Corneo's mansion in three hours!

Sephiroth: *Almost has himself free from Yuan's grip* Yes! Don's waiting for you! You must go now!

Girls: Screw Don! *Surrounds Sephiroth, posing and batting eyelashes at him* You're such a cutie!

Sephiroth: MOMMY!!! *Jenova appears the girls back off a bit* MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY! *Runs from Yuna into Jenova's… err…'arms'*

Jenova: *pats Sephiroth's back in a reassuring way* What is it sweetie? Mommy's here.

Sephiroth: *in little 'innocent' voice similar to that of a four-year-old* Mommy, those scary ladies are trying to rape me!

Jenova: Well, you are a handsome young man. I'm glad to see you finally broke through your shell

Sephiroth: WHAT?!?! NO! I want you to kill them!

Jenova: They're fine specimens, though! Why don't you settle down?

Sephiroth: I'm 1035 years old! I'm too young to settle down! I haven't fulfilled my dream of becoming an evil, oppressive overlord!

Yuna: Listen to your mother! I'll be sure to treat you just fine. *Attemts to pull Sephiroth into another rib-cracking hug, but is pushed away*

Sephiroth: Never! *Looks around at the girls* NEVER!!!! *Runs away screaming, the girls, behemoth, chicobos, and Yuna hot on his trail*

__

Rikku is sitting at a small table in the Travel Agency, absorbed in a large, dusty tomb. Lulu walks over.

Lulu: *looks over Rikku's shoulder* What _are_ you doing with my spell book?

Rikku: *jumps three feet off the ground* Oh, umm… I was just…err… *closes book*

Lulu: Let me guess. You messed up with the potion.

Rikku: I-I You see… The water- I tried- but it broke… *Sinks back into chair**Sigh* The potion drained into the pond. It's useless-

Lulu: WHAT?!?! IDIOT! *her crimson eyes seemed to glow* Are you not intelligent enough to know that dropping glass on a rock will break it?

Rikku: Hey, what are you so mad about? The potion won't work after being diluted with water, right?

Lulu: OF COURSE IT WILL! Show me the pond! I only pray no person has taken a drink. *Looks about the room* Where's Lady Yuna?

__

Sephiroth, drained of energy, finally emerged from the woods.

Sephiroth: *Wipes raindrops from his eyes and jumps at a thunderbolt that struck somewhere nearby* Not this place again… *Begins the slow trek across the muddy plains*

Chicobos: *Chirping and dancing around his feet*

Yuna: Hey, handsome!

Sephiroth: Oh, no… *looks back to see the girls running towards him with umbrellas covering their heads* *He can't help but smile* Three…Two…One…

__

Lightning rains down upon the group: several girls screamed.

Sephiroth: *Sneaks away*

__

Lulu is examining the pond. Rikku is watching nervously nearby.

Lulu: *Sigh* By the looks of it, we're too late.

Rikku: Too late? *Runs to Lulu's side* What do you mean?

Lulu: There are many ponds like this one scattered throughout Macalania. They are all connected by underground waterways. *Shook her head slowly* Not only that, but the waterways run all the way to the Moonflow.

Rikku: *Looks shocked* The Moonflow? That's the main water source for all of Spira!

Lulu: Look at these footprints. *Examines footprints by the pond* A behemoth and Lady Yuna drank from this pond. Quite a few other people were recently here, too.

Rikku: How do you know it was Yunie?

Lulu: Only Yuna would wear those hideous things.

Rikku: *Spots a pair of larger footprints* Who's are these?

Lulu: Hmmm… *Examines the footprints* I don't know. They don't look familiar.

Rikku: I wonder if they drank from the pond…

__

Sephiroth, who was soaked through, slumped down to the floor. He gently laid his back up against the uncomfortable branch-walls of Guadosalam.

Sephiroth: Damn…

Guado kid: *Points at Sephiroth* Hey! It's that freaky guy that escaped from the Farplane!

Female Guado: *Gasp* You! How dare you show your face in this world! This plane of existence is not yours anymore!

Male Guado: Why are you here? _*What seemed like the whole population of Guadosalam gathered around the semi-frightened Sephiroth, some blocking the two exits out of the city*_

Voice: Let him go. *The Guados looked around* Something important drew him here. He must settle whatever business he has before he's able to rest.

Guado group: *Found the source of the voice and parted, giving a very proper and intimidating looking Guado room to approach Sephiroth*

Seymour: *Bows slightly* I am sorry. You may leave if you wish.

Sephiroth: *Stands up, chicobos falling off his head and out of his lap* Thank you!

Seymour: *Nods and turns away, but Sephiroth calls him back*

Sephiroth: Wait! If a bunch if flirty women and a behemoth pass by, do NOT tell them which direction I went in, okay?

Seymour: *A bit confused* As you wish.


	2. Why me?

You know what? This is a great story to write just to pass time by. Even when I'm short on time!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story. Sorry to disappoint you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Sadly enough, poor Sephiroth could not dodge the girls forever. They found him resting in a 

small cave off of the Mushroom Rock Road with the chicobos nesting in his flowing hair.

Girls: There he is!!! *Screamed in delight*

Sephiroth: *Woke with a start* AAAKK!! Not you girls again! *Stood up to run away but the chicobos got tangled up in is hair* Get off me!

Behemoth: *Stomped over to the cave and smashed into the walls, making a suitable entrance for herself.*

Sephiroth: *With nowhere else to go, just stood there* Where's my Masamune when I need it?

Behemoth: *Nuzzled Sephiroth while 'talking' to him with a deep growl-like purr.*

Sephiroth: *Smashed back into the cave wall because of the Behemoth's sheer strength, the chicobos screaming with a mixture of fear and fury.* This is disturbing…

Yuna: GET OFF HIM YOU BITCH!!! HE'S MINE!!! *Leaped onto the behemoth's back and started smashing her over the head with her Nirvana*

Behemoth, Yuna, and Girls: AAAAHHHHRRRGGG!!! *Feet, fists, and claws began to fly. Sephiroth edged his way around and out of the cave, and broke off into a run towards the shores of Djose, chicobos waddling behind him.*

Lulu and Rikku followed the tracks to Guadosalam, where the hard, root like flooring didn't preserve any footprints. The Guado _huddled in a group in the center of the city, a very stressed looking Seymour watching nearby._

Lulu: What is wrong?

Seymour: My people are greatly disturbed that someone has left the Farplane.

Rikku: *Shocked* Who?

Seymour: I am not sure. *Sigh* But the holy books of Yevon have descriptions and pictures of a man that threatened our world many centuries ago.

Lulu: So?

Seymour: *Studied Lulu for a moment.* The resemblance between that man and this one is great. If I am not mistaken…

Rikku: *Bouncing up and down* What?

Seymour: *Shakes head* I don't know.

Rikku: You're no help!

Lulu: Has anyone passed through here besides him?

Seymour: *Grins slightly* THAT was amusing. Not long after that gentleman left, a whole crowd of women passed through. And a Behemoth, too.

Lulu: Did you recognize any of them?

Seymour: Strangely enough, Lady Yuna was amongst them. 

Rikku: *Hopping from foot to foot* Where are they headed?

Seymour: I could not say.

Lulu: *Looks at Rikku* Lets go, Rikku.

__

Along the Mi'hen Highroad, Sephiroth decided to stop at Rin's Travel Agency. He is eyeing the chocobos in the corral.

Sephiroth: Damn chocobos…

Chicobos: Waaaark!! *Began pecking at his precious leather coat*

Sephiroth: STOP IT!! *Tries to kick the chicobos, but loses his balance and falls. The chicobos take the opportunity and try to nest in his hair again*

Lady: Aaawww. They love you!

Sephiroth: *Picking chicobos out of his hair* What else is new?

Lady: You're a natural chocobo parent! *Light bulb seems to go on in her head* Hey! Can you help us tame that chocobo over there? *Points at a large ridged chocobo that was foaming at the mouth* She's a sweetheart, you know.

Sephiroth: ahhh… *Eyes the chocobo with concern* Maybe I'll pass…

Lady: *Claps hands together and hops up and down* Great! We'll get you started right away! *Grabs Sephiroth by the arm and drags him over the electric fence paddock that contained the rabid chocobo*

Sephiroth: Why me? *Notices that the annoying chirping had ceased. He looks around and sees the chicobos huddled on the roof of the Travel Agency, looking very frightened indeed* At least they're out of the way.

Lady: Hmm… You just make yourself acquainted while I go get some more water for the poor dear. *Runs off*

Rabid chocobo: *Runs at the fence, apparently trying to attack, but the 10,000 volts running through the metal zaps the bird. Some singed feathers fall off the mostly naked body.* WAAAARRRKKK!!!

Sephiroth: Damn… Now that's even scarier than when I caught Cloud in the shower naked. He was singing the Barney theme, too… *Shudders*

Lady: *Bouncing back with a two gallon tank full of water* Phew… Why does the Moonflow have to be so far away?

Sephiroth: *Shocked* THE MOONFLOW? You were only gone five minutes!

Lady: *Shocked as well* It took me that long?!

Sephiroth: *Mumbling to himself* I can't wait until this is over…

Lady: *Pouring the water into a mangled trough, oblivious of the rabid chocobo that was trying to tear her head off* La la la la la la…

Chocobo: *Gulps down the water*

Sephiroth: I guess it isn't at the stage where the disease makes it impossible to swallow.

Lady: What do you mean? She's perfectly healthy!

Chocobo: *Looks at Sephiroth*

__

Lulu is testing the Moonflow water for any traces of the potion. Rikku is pacing back and forwards

Lulu: *Holds a test tube at eye level, the contents turning a light shade of purple* Oh no.

Rikku: What is it?

Lulu: It's too late.


	3. Lulu's wrath and the bustling, busy city...

I'm updating. Wow. I haven't touched this story for a few weeks. Oh well. At least I took time out to write, ya? And thanks for the reviews. I highly appreciate them. *Bows*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sephiroth: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Rabid Chocobo (Who happens to be female): *Somehow leaps over the electric fence. Her blood shot eyes seem to glitter as Sephiroth trips over himself trying to get away* Wark?

Lady: *Clapped hands together* Aaaww! She likes you!

Sephiroth: *Running down the Mi'hen Highroad as fast as his legs can carry him*

__

Lulu and Rikku are sitting on a tree stump and are… well… stumped.

Lulu: This is bad.

Rikku: Tell me something I don't know.

Lulu: *Leaning in towards Rikku* The Blitzball tournament is tomorrow.

Rikku: Tell me something I don't know.

Lulu: *Leaning in a bit further* There are going to be lots of thirsty people there.

Rikku: Yea. Tell me something I don't know.

Lulu: *Hands starting to cup themselves in a chocking position* THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

Rikku: *Falling off the stump* AAAHHH!!!

Lulu: *Returning to normal* You can solve this problem, though.

Rikku: *Righting herself* You mean "you" as in "I", don't you?

Lulu: I wasn't the one who smashed the bottle now, was I?

Rikku: *Her spiral eyes tearing a bit* What do I do?

__

Sephiroth enters the bustling city of Luca, only to find that trouble is just around the corner.

Sephiroth: *Talking angrily to the Chicobosthat had just seemed to magically appear beside him* When I summon Meteor again, I'll make sure that it crashes down upon you and kill you all!!!

Chicobos: *Looking cute and innocent*

Voice: My one-winged angel! *Female figure bounds over to Sephiroth and knocks him to the ground. Again.*

Sephiroth: No… *Looks into Yuna's eyes* Who are you, anyways?

Yuna: I'm your one and only lover… *Going into a daze*

Sephiroth: *Hearing crashes and feminine screams in the distance* That's nice. Do you mind getting off me now? Random people are staring at us. 

Random people: *Stare*

Yuna: Anything you say, love. *Gets up*

Sephiroth: And let go of my hand.

Yuna: *Lets go of his hand*

Sephiroth: And walk away.

Yuna: *Walks away*

Sephiroth: *Sigh* I wish driving Cloud and his friends insane was this easy. It's because of that little twerp Aeris! She takes away all the fun in life! *Thinks nasty thoughts about Aeris*

Loud crashes and screams: *Getting closer*

Sephiroth: *Starting to panic* I need to find a place to hide. *Runs off*

__

Rikku approaches the Mi'hen Travel agency. It appears to be deserted except for a few lonely chocobos.

Rikku: They've all left to see the tournament. *Chocobo nudges her shoulder* Would you like to give me a ride to Luca?

__

Sephiroth is hiding behind a stack of crates in dock number 3. He is tempted to throw the chicobos into the ocean.

Sephiroth: Why don't you just go home? I'm sure your real mother is searching for you right now.

Chicobos: *Sitting in his lap, standing on his head, perched on his shoulders, and pulling the out the feathers on his wing*

Sephiroth: I'm cursed…

Voice of man passerby: Did you hear? A behemoth followed a group of women into the city. It seems to be searching for something, though.

Another passerby: Really? It's not attacking? Odd…

Other passerby: The Crusaders should take care of it before something happens.

Sephiroth: *Whispering to himself* I'm cursed and doomed…

Announcer: The blitz season starts tomorrow. Be sure to buy your tickets now. If you cannot make it to the stadium, several spheres will be placed throughout Luca. Don't miss the games!

Sephiroth: *Whispering* Hmm… everyone here seems to love this "Blitzball" game. Maybe the girls will be roped in, as well. That will be my chance to escape. *Grins evilly* 


	4. Sephy has a few new admirers

UPDATE!!!! YAY!!! *Cough Cough* I- *Sneeze* finally got around- *Sniff* to writing! *Gasp* ugh. *Dies*

(At the Farplane) Damn flu…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~4~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

__

Sephiroth somehow managed to elude the girls last night, and is now waking up to aches and pains. Along with a few other problems… *Cough*

Unknown: HIYA!!!

Sephiroth: AAAHHH! (He screams a lot in this fic, doesn't he?) *Rolls off the ledge and into the ocean. Chicobos find him as a convenient floating device* W-What are you doing here?

Lady: *Hopping from foot to foot* Chocobo has been looking all over for you! She found some friends, too!

Sephiroth: *Pulling himself out of the water* Listen… err… Lady. You can eat your chocobos for all I care. Just leave me alone! 

Lady: *Ignoring Sephiroth's comment* HEEEEEEEERRRREEEE HE IS!!!!!

Sephiroth: The lady yells. The ground shakes. The women appear. I run away. *Runs in the direction of the Blitzball Stadium*

Women: *Sees Lady* WHEREISHEWHEREISHEWHEREISHE!?!?!?!?!?!

Lady: *Terrified* … *Points in a random direction, which happens to be the sea*

Women: *Hops onto the Behemoth's back and they head out into the water*

Lady: *Still petrified*

__

Rikku rides her chocobo straight into Luca, not stopping to apologize to the several people she trampled.

Rikku: *Urging the chocobo on* Gotta reach the stadium before the games start!

Rikku's chocobo: WAAARK!! *Charges toward the stadium at full speed*

__

Sephiroth somehow managed to find his way into the top box (where Seymour and Mika were during the blitzball game in FFX) and doesn't notice that several cameras are aimed in his direction.

Sephiroth: Where did they go? *Looks out at the crowd, but does not see any sign of any Sephy-crazy women* Maybe if I stay here long enough, they will think that I left, and just move on!

Chicobos: Chirp chirp? *All are looking down below*

Sephiroth: What? *Sephiroth looks down, too. At first, he only sees a sea of people. Then he notices something that sent chills down his spine* Oh crap. *Begins cursing out the refreshment people who are handing out free drinks to everyone*

Announcer: Welcome ladies and gentlemen! Before we introduce our blitz teams, I would like you to raise your glasses in respect for the passing of a great blitzer. *People raise glasses* We will all miss Bob, who drowned in his bathtub while trying to save a ant from an unclear fate. *The cameras turn on, showing Sephiroth on several spheres throughout Luca* Now take your drink, *People take drink* and turn your attention to the spheres while Carl gives us a little speech about his passing.

People: *Sees Sephiroth* …

Announcer: Err. Where's Carl?

__

Back at the entrance of Luca 

Carl: *Being treated by medics* Who in Yevon's name would ride a chocobo into a busy city?!?!

__

Back at the stadium

Sephiroth: *Sees his face on the spheres, and notices that he's not the only one watching* HOLY SH-

All women: *Quickly finds the source of the handsome face on the spheres* EEEEEKK!! *Scrambles out of their seats*

Rikku: *Quickly leaps out of the way of the stampede* This is worse than I thought.

__


	5. The escape and a plan full of holes

Sorry I took so long. This project has been on the very bottom of my to-do list for the longest time. *long pause* Oh! There's a competition, now. See the end of the chapter for more details.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~5~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sephiroth: WHY ME?!?!? *Starts running in random directions*

Rikku: *Sees that the crazy women are going after a strange, silver-haired man* Him! I've gotta talk to him! *Starts the pursuit, yet changes her mind and goes in the opposite direction* I have a better idea…

Sephiroth: *Runs out to the docks, but comes face to face with the behemoth and co.* NOOO! Stay away from meeee! *Tries to run in the other direction, but is blocked by a sea of rabid people* I'm gonna be killed again! *Spots random men trying to glomp random women* On a lighter note, that's just too damn funny. *Sees a large machina homing in on his position*

Rikku: *On megaphone* YO! SILVER-HAIRED DUDE! GRAB ONTO THIS ROPE! *Drops rope over the side of the airship*

Sephiroth: *Hollering back* WHY SHOULD I?

Rikku: DO YOU WANT TO BE TRAPPED HERE WITH _THEM?_

Sephiroth: *Without hesitation* Fine! Just get me out of here! *Grabs rope and the airship starts to pull away. Sephiroth swings wildly from side to side, holding on for dear life. Err… afterlife*

Yuna: No you don't! *Leaps off the behemoth's back and grabs onto Sephiroth's leg. All women are climbing over each other, trying to grab the end of the rope. The airship rises before they can do anymore permanent damage to their poor Sephy-chan*

Lady: *Still petrified*

__

Now onboard the airship, Sephiroth lets out a sigh of relief. And a few curses, too, since Yuna has conveniently attached herself to him and won't let go

Yuna: *In a dream-like state* You're _so_ sexy…

Sephiroth: *Sighing in an annoyed sort of way* I know. *Tries to get up* Can you please let go now?

Yuna: *Tightens her grip* I will never let you go again!

Sephiroth: *Running out of ideas, he looks about the room. The chicobos are scattered, all doing absolutely nothing. Sephiroth points at a random chicobo* You there! Sic her!

Chicobo: *Looks cute and innocent* Chirp! *Hops over and curls up in Sephiroth's lap, falling asleep almost instantly. The other chicobos see this and flock over to the poor man*

Sephiroth: *On the verge of tears* Why do I even try???

Rikku: *Walks into the room* YOU!

Sephiroth: *Jumps three feet into the air. Chicobos scatter in a frenzy. Yuna hasn't noticed a thing* WHAT?

Rikku: Sorry.

Sephiroth: *Regaining himself* For what?

Rikku: *Takes a deep breath* IaccidentallydroppedlovepotionintotheMacalaniapond- *Gasp* -andnowallofSpiraisindangerofbecomingexposedtoit. *Nods her head in a matter-of-factly way* There. I said it.

Sephiroth: *wide eyed* Can you run that by me one more time?

Rikku: *Plops down on the floor* Alright. The truth is, you need to help me bring order back to Spira.

Sephiroth: *Pouts* But I don't want to bring order back to Spira! I want to destroy it.

Rikku: *Who seems to have selective hearing* What?

Sephiroth: Huh?

Rikku: Okay. Bevelle is letting me set up the wedding there, and I have you, sooo…

Sephiroth: *Jumps to his feet; Yuna still hanging on* What wedding is this!?!?!

Rikku: Oh! *Slaps forehead* I left that part out. *Pauses* You might want to sit back down for this.

Sephiroth: *Was already being pulled down by Yuna*

Rikku: *Clears throat* The only way to break the spell is to marry the one that the spell has affected.

Sephiroth: … *Goes pale*

Rikku: For you though… It would be "ones."

Sephiroth: …

Rikku: …

Sephiroth: …

Rikku: So…

Sephiroth: …….What about the infested water?

Rikku: Um. *shifts her weight uncomfortably* I could come up with only one solution.

Sephiroth: …

Rikku: …

Sephiroth: …No. *Tries to get up again*

Rikku: *Sweet grin* Sorry?

__

Lulu is standing guard at the moonflow, not allowing anyone near the water. All the Hypello are tied to random trees, and the shoopuffs are contained in a giant corral.

Rikku: *walks up with Sephiroth in tow* What are you doing?

Lulu: *Surrounded by various dolls* The moonflow is off limits until _you_ can find a solution to this problem.

Sephiroth: Who's watching the other bank?

Lulu: *thinks for a moment* SHIT!!!

Rikku: *grabs Lulu before she's able to do anything stupid* It's okay, Lulu. We have a plan.

Sephiroth: *a little ways off* Why me…

Rikku: We purposely infect the whole of Spira.

Lulu: What?

Sephiroth: Is it because of my past sins…

Rikku: And as soon as they drink the water, this young man here will catch their attention. *Points at Sephiroth* That way, it will be easier when it's time for *clears throat* the cure.

Sephiroth: Or my future sins…

Lulu: I see several problems.

Rikku: What? It's perfect!

Sephiroth: Or my-

Lulu/Rikku: SHUT UP!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BONUS!!!!! There are a million things wrong with Rikku's plan. The one who is able to give me the most REASONABLE problems will make an appearance in the conclusion to my story.

There are two conditions, though. One, you cannot take what others have written and include it in your submission. I WILL be checking dates. Two, you must include a name (doesn't have to be your real name) and gender. If you win, and you don't have these two things, then I'll pick your name and gender. It might not be pleasant.

Oh, and you CAN come back and write more, if you wish. You're not limited to one review submission. So you don't have to write down a million things all at once. 

You have until I get ready to write the conclusion, which is a fair amount of chapters away. I will post the statistics at the end of each chapter, so you'll know who's in the lead.

LET THE RACE BEGIN!!!


End file.
